Those of you who know me well know some of the crap I had to deal with as a child and teenager, even as an adult...things that were beyond my control, family situations that deeply affected me, struggles that were completely unforeseeable. There were moments when I STRONGLY doubted the goodness of corporate church, moments when I was wounded or betrayed by friends, things that were so traumatic to me as a middle-schooler that I have completely blocked them out...moments when my parents were so caught up in their arguments or issues that they missed important parts of my life and broke my heart. Some of those wounds I carried for a long time, completely unaware of their existence until confronted with a vague memory that sent me to my face in bitter tears as the emotional scar was ripped open and the wound bled fresh.
And yet, in the midst of all those things, there has never been a point in my life where things seemed or felt hopeless. I've been angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, disgusted, fed-up, pissed-off, exhausted, dejected even, but I've never felt hopeless. I've never felt hopeless because I know that whatever I'm going through, however difficult the path, I have someone I can cling to, someone I can rely on, someone who will never fail me, never abandon me, never betray me, never let me down. And that give me hope because I know I have a glorious end, no matter how awful the journey sometimes appears to be.
My hope, my trust, my faith rests in Jesus, and Him alone. So, bring on the dark days, bring on the lies and slander, bring on the betrayal, bring on the hurt and pain and suffering because life is full of it, and there is no escaping what comes. But my eyes and my hope shall rest on Jesus, and though the wind howls, and the waves crash, the sea shall not swallow me whole. Because I know He loves me, and I know He's with me, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my ending, regardless of the embattled journey, is beautiful and glorious because my ending is an eternity of love, peace, and joy in His presence.
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1-5
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Yes Means Yes Except When It Means No And Then It Means No Unless It Means Yes
I'm sorry, but I've never been one for games. When I say games, I don't mean competitve sports or board games or anything like that. I mean I dont' understand mind games. I don't understand toying with people's emotions. I don't understand why we don't just say exactly what we think or mean.
Women are the worst about this. In friendships, in relationships, in marriages, in family situations, there's always a difference between what she says and what she actually means.
As a woman, I've never understood why my fellow women aren't honest with their boyfriends or husbands. Why would you confuse a person like that? If you really want someone to throw you a birthday party, why would you say, "really, honey, you don't have to do that."? And then you get mad because there's no party. Hello...you told him you didn't want one. He can't read your mind. He doesn't understand your thought process. He doesn't know that when you say, "You don't have to do that" you really mean, "I really want you to do it, but I don't want you to think I'm being selfish or forcing you. But if you don't do it, I'll be angry, because you should tell from my face that I actually want you to do it, even though I'm telling you I don't."
So, if he asks you about a party or a dinner or a movie, just tell him your honest thoughts. If you don't there's a 90 percent chance he'll do the exact opposite of what you want/hope simply because he didn't know any better. Simply because you told him you didn't care WHEN YOU REALLY DID.
Also. If you're only going to be upset about his HONEST answer don't ask the question. You hold up two pairs of black shoes and ask, "which shoes do you like best?" He looks up from ESPN and either says, "the black ones" or "I like them both" and you either get upset because he picked the pair you didn't really want to wear, or he legitimately had no preference. Why get mad about that? Men don't consider which pair of shoes to put on. They have, like, 5 pair in their closets: one pair of flip flops/sandals, one pair of tennis shoes, one pair of yard-work shoes, one pair of nice boots or boat shoes or something like that, and one pair of really nice shoes to wear with a suit. THAT'S IT. He doesn't think about the fact that the shoe in your right hand is a wedge and the shoe in your left is a sling-back, or that the blacks are three shades different, or that one is a 3-inch heel and the other a 2-inch. He looks up and sees that they're both black, and both will fit on your feet and thinks, "They look exactly alike to me. How can I pick?" He doesn't care. He thinks you look great, regardless. So go ahead and wear whichever shoes you want. He's not going to be paying attention to the shoes, anyway. He's more interested in you than your shoes.
And when you're single, if you're not interested in something or someone, why pretend that you are? Or if you are interested in someone or something, why pretend that you're not? If you like it, own the fact that you like it. If you hate it, own the fact that you hate it. If you think he's cute, don't be indifferent. If you like the guy, show interest. If you don't like him, be honest. Don't pretend something because that only confuses people. Guys especially.
I have a newsflash for my fellow females. Men have a very simple view of life. Everything is black and white. If they say they like something, they like it. If they say they want to take you out, they really want to take you out. If they say they don't care what you make for dinner, they really don't care. If they say they don't want to do anything, it's not a code for you to go plan some extensive evening behind their back, and then get ticked because they either don't go with you, or you have to drag them out by their ear. And even more than that, they DO NOT UNDERSTAND why we aren't as honest as they are. They don't find our little word games or mind games cute or attractive. They get frustrated by it. They just want us to tell them what we want, what we think, what we believe. When they pose real questions, they want REAL answers.
Back centuries ago up to as recently as the 1950's and 60's, women weren't liberated enough to feel as though their opinions were important or had worth. I suppose that's why we started learning and using these little games of saying the opposite of what we mean, or nodding and going along with things. We couldn't speak our minds freely. It was considered imprudent and extremely unattractive in a potential wife. So we were coy, demure little beings whose entire lives revolved around being pleasant in society so we could find a husband to provide for us. But our coyness has morphed into dishonesty and trickery. We use it to snare and to confuse. And I think it's just plain STUPID.
It's gotten so bad that we, as women, aren't even honest with our own gender. We play these mindgames against ourselves. The games create toxic friendships. They destroy sincerity between sisters, mothers and daughters, and good friends. We demolish our trust in one another because we play the game so much (and with such gusto) that we can't tell what the other person truly means...or maybe we don't even know what we mean anymore. It's RIDICULOUS.
So here's the big headline point of the day. If we'll just be honest and say what's on our minds to begin with, it'll erase a least HALF of the fights and misunderstandings we have with each other. It'll solve problems in friendships, family relationships, marriages and other relationships. Seriously, I don't think we understand how much honesty will simplify our lives. Because, at the end of the day, these little word games and mind games we play are nothing more than lies and manipulation. And there is not a person on the planet who actually enjoys being lied to or manipulated. So, just be honest.
Now, being honest doesn't mean being rude or cruel. There's always a kind and gentle way to express the basic thought or opinion. We don't have to be hateful, in fact, we shouldn't ever be hateful. But we should be honest. And we should absolutely mean what we say when we say it.
There's an old saying, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I agree wholeheartedly. But I believe that Jesus said it best when he said, "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." Matthew 5:37
Women are the worst about this. In friendships, in relationships, in marriages, in family situations, there's always a difference between what she says and what she actually means.
As a woman, I've never understood why my fellow women aren't honest with their boyfriends or husbands. Why would you confuse a person like that? If you really want someone to throw you a birthday party, why would you say, "really, honey, you don't have to do that."? And then you get mad because there's no party. Hello...you told him you didn't want one. He can't read your mind. He doesn't understand your thought process. He doesn't know that when you say, "You don't have to do that" you really mean, "I really want you to do it, but I don't want you to think I'm being selfish or forcing you. But if you don't do it, I'll be angry, because you should tell from my face that I actually want you to do it, even though I'm telling you I don't."
So, if he asks you about a party or a dinner or a movie, just tell him your honest thoughts. If you don't there's a 90 percent chance he'll do the exact opposite of what you want/hope simply because he didn't know any better. Simply because you told him you didn't care WHEN YOU REALLY DID.
Also. If you're only going to be upset about his HONEST answer don't ask the question. You hold up two pairs of black shoes and ask, "which shoes do you like best?" He looks up from ESPN and either says, "the black ones" or "I like them both" and you either get upset because he picked the pair you didn't really want to wear, or he legitimately had no preference. Why get mad about that? Men don't consider which pair of shoes to put on. They have, like, 5 pair in their closets: one pair of flip flops/sandals, one pair of tennis shoes, one pair of yard-work shoes, one pair of nice boots or boat shoes or something like that, and one pair of really nice shoes to wear with a suit. THAT'S IT. He doesn't think about the fact that the shoe in your right hand is a wedge and the shoe in your left is a sling-back, or that the blacks are three shades different, or that one is a 3-inch heel and the other a 2-inch. He looks up and sees that they're both black, and both will fit on your feet and thinks, "They look exactly alike to me. How can I pick?" He doesn't care. He thinks you look great, regardless. So go ahead and wear whichever shoes you want. He's not going to be paying attention to the shoes, anyway. He's more interested in you than your shoes.
And when you're single, if you're not interested in something or someone, why pretend that you are? Or if you are interested in someone or something, why pretend that you're not? If you like it, own the fact that you like it. If you hate it, own the fact that you hate it. If you think he's cute, don't be indifferent. If you like the guy, show interest. If you don't like him, be honest. Don't pretend something because that only confuses people. Guys especially.
I have a newsflash for my fellow females. Men have a very simple view of life. Everything is black and white. If they say they like something, they like it. If they say they want to take you out, they really want to take you out. If they say they don't care what you make for dinner, they really don't care. If they say they don't want to do anything, it's not a code for you to go plan some extensive evening behind their back, and then get ticked because they either don't go with you, or you have to drag them out by their ear. And even more than that, they DO NOT UNDERSTAND why we aren't as honest as they are. They don't find our little word games or mind games cute or attractive. They get frustrated by it. They just want us to tell them what we want, what we think, what we believe. When they pose real questions, they want REAL answers.
Back centuries ago up to as recently as the 1950's and 60's, women weren't liberated enough to feel as though their opinions were important or had worth. I suppose that's why we started learning and using these little games of saying the opposite of what we mean, or nodding and going along with things. We couldn't speak our minds freely. It was considered imprudent and extremely unattractive in a potential wife. So we were coy, demure little beings whose entire lives revolved around being pleasant in society so we could find a husband to provide for us. But our coyness has morphed into dishonesty and trickery. We use it to snare and to confuse. And I think it's just plain STUPID.
It's gotten so bad that we, as women, aren't even honest with our own gender. We play these mindgames against ourselves. The games create toxic friendships. They destroy sincerity between sisters, mothers and daughters, and good friends. We demolish our trust in one another because we play the game so much (and with such gusto) that we can't tell what the other person truly means...or maybe we don't even know what we mean anymore. It's RIDICULOUS.
So here's the big headline point of the day. If we'll just be honest and say what's on our minds to begin with, it'll erase a least HALF of the fights and misunderstandings we have with each other. It'll solve problems in friendships, family relationships, marriages and other relationships. Seriously, I don't think we understand how much honesty will simplify our lives. Because, at the end of the day, these little word games and mind games we play are nothing more than lies and manipulation. And there is not a person on the planet who actually enjoys being lied to or manipulated. So, just be honest.
Now, being honest doesn't mean being rude or cruel. There's always a kind and gentle way to express the basic thought or opinion. We don't have to be hateful, in fact, we shouldn't ever be hateful. But we should be honest. And we should absolutely mean what we say when we say it.
There's an old saying, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I agree wholeheartedly. But I believe that Jesus said it best when he said, "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." Matthew 5:37
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