to me, there is nothing more frustrating that being in limbo about something...being caught in no man's land, unsure of the next step, unsure when the next step is going to happen when you know what the next step is.
or being caught in the middle of something between two parties...and actually knowing that Party A is in the right and Party B is in the wrong...and wanting to help Party A out, but not wanting to get completely caught in the whirlpool of crap between A and B.
I'm good if i'm not invested in one side or the other. or, even if i'm invested, but the situation is minute and people just want my advice. where i lose my bearings is when i am passionately against one side and for another. i want to roll up my sleeves, sail my boat right into the middle of the maelstrom and rescue the perishing. i've tried it before, too...and i'm not inclined to do it again. because i ended up stressed out over stuff that wasn't really my business. and once you cross over into the maelstrom it just sucks you in like a super massive black hole...then you're the one perishing, and you're no good to anyone else.
but staying neutral is hard when your heart and your spirit are screaming out against something or someone...against an injustice or a mistreatment of people...against selfishness and pridefulness and deceit. especially when little hearts are involved. and especially if those little hearts mean more to you than anything else in the whole world.
so, i've decided that even though i want run up my sails and turn this ship starboard and sail right into the thick of things to rescue that floundering, broken boat...i can't do it. all i can do is pray God to rebuke the wind and speak peace to the sea, so that busted vessel with those little hearts in cargo can take a deep breath and begin to repair the breaches in its hull, chart a new course, and hopefully sail on in more peaceful waters.
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